YOU (yes you) are invited to the Barony’s Holiday TwelfishAfternoon Festivity on Saturday January 18, 2025 at 2pm. There will be smokedmeat and potluck sides, and a GIFT EXCHANGE.

Potluck sign-up: https://www.signupgenius.com/go/60B0D49AFA923A7FC1-53984675-twelfish

RULES FOR THE GIFT EXCHANGE: I have shamelessly lifted thesewell-road-tested rules from Sir Conal, of Glynn Rhe.

The Rules. Just to be clear: This is not a gag giftswap/steal. We’re trying to impress each other with our generosity and largesse– and to make sure I (Conal) get the best loot. Jeff still whimpers about hisskinny rolls of tape last year. Poor Jeff. I took that tape.

At the Shire party, we have a gift ‘swap’. And by ‘swap’, Imean, scheme-steal-threaten-lift-separate-run-hide. Some would call it ‘DirtySanta’, but that’s an insult to the spirit of Santa and to dirt. So, here arethe rules, because Rules:

Lo, in the day when the earth cooled and the Shire was new,these words were handed down to me graven on a tablet shoddily constructed ofcarpet and duct tape and stinking of fermented Stormhawk. Since that time, Ihave been the Guardian of the Words and have kept them safely guarded bydigital daemons in a netherish vault in the astral realm known as the YahooGroups Archive, against a time when the Words would be needed anew, or for atime when I could palm Guardianship off to an unsuspecting sucke-…er, ah, tomy dear progeny, John MacConal. Since the stars Ulricheron the All Knowing (Nowascended and descended), Roadoldis the Oldenstar, Muirren the Morna-ing Star,and Randvergeuse-Greetauri (the Twin Stars) have been successfully consulted,and a date summoned for the Shire Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus HolidayParty, I must act again in my capacity of Guardian of the Words, which are theWard Against Seeking Questionable Advantage, and again post the Rules for theGift Swap/Steal. So here goes:

(1) An SCA-applicable gift of $15 to $25 in value, leaningtoward the $25 end. (For handmade items, this can mean only the cost ofmaterials, not your valuable labor. This is handy if you’re trying to cheat theupper limit, I can tell you from experience. Not my experience, the experienceof motivated, talented, generous folks. The sort of folks you’d want to sap androll after they get liquored up on eggnog or go into a Velveeta dip torpor atan awkwardly annual party. I think you know what I am saying…)

(2) IOUs for handmade items are discouraged as gifts, asthey tend to age faster than children.

(3) Booze is discouraged as a gift, as there are sometimesunder-aged participants as well as over-nasty boozes.

(4) Don’t be a cheap, tacky bum. It’s The Most WonderfulTime of the Year (TM) after all! It’s your sole responsibility to keep theSeason of Giving alive through February!

(5) The wrapping and gift container goes with the gift. I’llnever forget the year I got a 6-pack of Der Horsenwee Pilsner in a basket, buthad to return the basket. Even Moses came with the basket!

(6) No obvious cheating!

(7) No collaboration between significant others. Yes, thismeans collaboration with less-significant or totally insignificant others isallowed… unless you have given one gift as a team, and are choosing one giftas a team.

(8) No shaking the presents!

(9) No obvious feeling of the presents. If it’s obvious thepresents have feelings, too, then I guess that’s OK, as long as they don’twhine (see #3 above. Get it? Get it?).

(10) There are more rules applying to the conduct of thegame, which I will be only too happy to be reminded of by you rules lawyerskinflints who desire to keep me from getting the swankiest gift in the pile,or to discuss at the party, either before the swap, or after you have stolensomething cool from me or one of my collusive minions.

(Rules-Lawyer Greet here: All gifts are wrapped and piled. Ahat is filled with numbered tokens representing each of the gifts. #1 unwraps apackage of their choosing. #2 (etc) gets to choose between stealing anunwrapped gift or opening new. Each gift can only be stolen once per round, andthree times total. #1 gets to go again at the end of the sequence when allgifts are open.)

(11) Thief, I smell you and I feel your air. You are one ofthose miserable tub-thumping Lake Men! Sorry, just getting into the spirit.

If you have any questions, please feel free to call or emailme. Don’t walk around ignorant!

Finally, I would only add thatmade/created/crafted/grafted/grated/sewed/stewed/stitched/summoned/hammered/punched/kicked/jabbed/contracted/conjuredgifts are oohed and aahed over greatly – usually more than bought gifts,especially by the A&S Minister. No pressure. Expect to fill out an A&Sreport immediately after the party and teach a class at Gatalop. No whining –see #3 above. (WHAT? IT’S FUNNY!).

Ho, Ho, Ho,

Conal